Definition of Happy

Happy can be defined as delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing (quoted from dictionary.reference.com). For instance, you feel glad to have a good bf or hubby. You feel delighted when someone praise on you. You feel pleased when you got a very good result at school.

Can you be happy everyday? This theory come from my darling. If we are happy everyday, how we define the happy? Everyday is just same feeling, how you know that's happy? Can you understand what's 'up' without understand what's 'down'? If you never feel sad, never have the down feeling, how you know at this moment you are happy? For instance, why you feel pleased when you get a good result? Do you feel pleased when the result was bad? No, you feel sad. That's why when it turns out with good result, you will be happy!

But how come ppl always ask us to be happy everyday? Is happy everyday very important? I dun think so. Cause if you are happy everyday, you wont appreciate what you have. When there's lose, only ppl will appreciate what they have. Same as, when there's unhappy time, only we will treasure the happy moment.

Happiness is uncountable. It can says as unlimited too. But if we rate it from 1 to 10, the first day you got happiness 1, then you need more stimuli to get happiness 2, then the more and more... so until one day you found reaching maximum of happiness, what else left?

I really dun understand what's wrong for having a bad day or sad day. Life will be more interesting with ups and downs. I believe when there's down, only will comes the up.

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love refers to love someone regardless of one's action or belief. Or most ppl will understand it as loving someone without hoping returns. But I dun believe that we can do so much things to show our love to someone but hoping nothing from him. Basic human being, we at least will hope the person love us back like we do. For greedy instinct we even hope to get more than what we gave. So is that mean we never give unconditional love?

I dun think so. We still give unconditional love. We HOPE there will have returns of our love, it doesn't mean MUST have returns. When we keep giving love, but nothing in returns, are we stop giving now? If yes, that's not unconditional love. If no, that's unconditional love.

Example, the most common unconditional love we give is to children. Parents always give their child unconditional love. They always said we dun expect they pay us back. In fact, really they dun want anything in returns? They dun wish their child love them? Then why are the old forks in old forks home so upset and lonely? Of course, we, parents hope our child will love us like we love them, and take care of us when we are old. But does that means if when we know our child wont take care us, we will not love her anymore? We will regret to love her before? Even regret to create her? I wont. So I think that's my unconditional love to my little one.

Another unconditional love, to your lover. Dun tell me you didn't hope anything from your lover after you did so many things to show how much you love him. I hope so much from him. I want him to love me, even more than I love him. I want him to do everything for me, fetch me to wherever I want, buy me whatever I like, listen whatever I want to tell, stay by me all the time... Then I ask myself, if he dun do any of it, will I still love him? Yes, I do. Of course, I'm not stupid that even he treat me badly and dun love me at all, and I still love him like idiot.

So my conclusion for unconditional love is, love someone in hoping for reasonable returns and will continue loving even you dun get what you want.

Yesterday, I saw him sleeping so tired. I'm wondering when he is stressed and tired, he needs sleep more or love? I guess physically he needs sleep, rest. But mentally he will still need love. So I will continue to love him even he cant talk to me when I wish he could.

Triangular theory of love

Last time when I studied psychology, there's a theory of love which I think quite close to what I think of love. It's a theory developed by Robert Sternberg called Triangular theory of love. According to the theory, there's 3 important elements in love: intimacy, passion & commitment. Combine all 3 elements, one can has a consummate love, the complete form of love that represent the ideal relationship towards which ppl strive. Well, with the diagram I guess it will be very easy to understand.

But according to the founder, it's not easy to achieve consummate love, which I strongly agree. I will see love at first comes in intimacy(if it's from friendship) or passion(if it's love in first sight). Then slowly it will comes another element (intimacy or passion, which ever that did not came in first). For commitment, it's really not easy nowadays. Not only men doesn't like to commit in a relationship, but women too. Commitment become a pressure and burden.

Well, until the day both committed, you think that's the end of the story?? Princess and her prince living happily ever after?? Nope. Maintaining this consummate love is even harder than achieving. Even Sternberg also agreed on that. To me, the route of love is from liking, to romantic love, then finally I got consummate love. But it just hard to last... Sometimes passion faded, sometimes intimacy faded... So from consummate love, it often changes to fatuous love or companionate.. However, what I really afraid is the love become empty love. When there's only commitment left, for me, it doesn't means love anymore...

I really do hope I can keep the intimacy, but I'm not sure what's went wrong that took away it... When there's no more intimacy, I felt that passion is going away too... OMG!! I really dunno what to and really hoping for help...