Relationship? Marriage?

Had been following a thread from forum discussing on whether to end up her marriage with her registered husband. There was quite some prompt feedback from the members. After reading those comments and stories, I had my own opinion too. But just dun wish to reply in the thread, so just share it over my blog.

The girl who started the topic had registered with her husband for 4 years but not staying together. But according to her, her husband did has affair with other girls before they got registered. And there is another girl who left comment that she is having the same prob. Then there are many members commented that men are all same. I'm really wonder if men are that bad, why we still married them? I dun understand why the 2 girls still registered to the men even they knew the man had affair with other girls, more than once. If you think that men will never change the attitude of having affair with other girls, that means you already accepted it, but why still complaining?

I think most of the women are thinking that marriage can change the men they want. Beware, I'm using the word, they want, not they love. I think if you love the man, you wouldn't want to change him. If you're trying to change him, it's just getting a man that you want, a perfect man that meet all your requirements. I agree with one of the member's comment on this. Never thought of changing anyone. You can only change yourself.

Here i quote one of the example given by the forum's member. When we want to plant a flower and want the flower to face a side. Some will try to tied the plant to a side and end up it will usually dead. But some will face the flower to the sun so that the flower will grow towards the sun. Same goes to your relationship. If you want your partner to change, and you tried to force him/her to what you want him/her to be, your relation will only getting worse. But if you show your love (like sun) and when your partner can feel your love, he/she will turn to what you want easily.

Just like what i had mentioned in my previous post about unconditional love, it's really important in a long last relationship and marriage.

Underwear

If your man had an affair with other woman/ women, are you going to forgive him? How far can you accept of having an affair? Don't worry, it's not happen to me, yet.

Here I came out with this example. Your man is just like your underwear, it's so close and intimate to you that you probably wont like to share with other women. But one day, your underwear was accidentally wore by another woman, who knows for what reason. Let say you didn't find out in the 1st moment and you still wear it like usual. But after sometimes you found out that was worn by others once in the time, will you just straight throw the underwear to the dustbin and never wear it again? Or since it was just once in the time and was happened accidentally, some more you found out after quite sometimes, so you will just clean properly the underwear and continue wear it as usual?

What if you immediately found out the underwear was wore by another woman? Will you still wear that underwear? Imagine that's your beloved underwear, that so suit you. If you cant accept that someone was wearing it before, will you just throw it away? But that's your beloved underwear, good in quality (at least you believe it quality's good) and you've been wearing for years. Maybe you feel hard to throw away, then you will just keep in your drawer for memory purpose but never want to wear it anymore?

The examples are just that if the underwear was wore by another woman (one), not women (two or more). Think of it, what will you do? Well, for me, I guess no matter it was wore by one woman or two women or even more, and no matter I find out immediately or after sometimes, it's still the same answer. I will throw it to the dustbin and never wear it again. There's plenty of underwear in this world, who knows I cant get a better one?

One more question, I don't understand why there's women who don't mind wearing others' underwear?

Learning process

Life is actually a learning process... I guess everyone agrees with it... From the day we were born, we learn to sit, talk, walk, n etc... Some ppl thought they had learn enough when they get older, of course many knows that learning process wont stop...

In marriage life, much things need to learn also... We learn to live with each other, learn to tolerant, learn to take care each other, learn to love, learn to be patience, learn to forgive, learn to trust, learn to respect... But it seems like the one who actually really keen to learn was always the woman... I'm not sure it's my subjective point of view or it's actually quite true...

To prove my view not that subjective, here's the example... See, there's plenty of books on how to be a 'successful woman behind a successful man', books that teach women how to cope with family and husband n etc. But there are so little books that talk about marriage or family to MEN! Even there are a few, but men never look for that... Well, maybe some men dun like to read... But when men face prob in work, they will find solutions, maybe from colleagues or from internet... However, did you ever heard that your man online find solution for your relationship or marriage?? They will rather play online game, I bet...

In my marriage, my man wanted to learn many things... I see that as a good thing... but soon I find out that to manage the relationship is never the thing he wants to learn... He wont admit, or maybe he also dunno... As a wife, I really think I'm learning to be better... From doing housework to cooking dishes, it's all new to me and I'm keen to learn... See, cooking, women will buy cooking books to learn cook, but men will buy motor trader to see his dream car... I read a book said that to a man, relationship is like he bought a fridge home. After 'set up' the fridge then it can be use for years and years without having to worry about maintaining or cleaning it.

Many man will think that his VERY IMPORTANT role in the relationship is to provide financial support. Well, money is always important that cannot be denied. But is that the main stem of the relationship?? I'm not very sure, however, one thing I'm sure is without money the relationship most probably can still survive, without love the relationship will sure collapse.

Anyway, love is really powerful. I really dun wish to admit this, but I know this few years ago before I married him, that he got the key of my life. In others' view, I seems like always bully him and he seems all under my control. In fact, both of us know it's actually not. No matter how I mad of him, end up I will still forgive him for no reason (I really really dunno why). Haha, movie always showed that the wife kicks her husband out of the room. Well, I'm not sure how many women can actually sleep well after doing that... but for sure I'm not the one! I just kick him to another room with bed, not living room with sofa, but the whole night I was worrying whether there's blanket in the room... I felt miserable failure for cant being hard hearted!

Aih, I guess there's so much more for me to learn... but it's really sad when he said that I never respect his life... Well, I dunno what I did and deserved that... I know that respect each other is very important in relationship. But I never did that... so I'm kinda lost now... dunno what else I can do... I guess this is a part of the learning process... a part of life...