Had a weird dream this morning... After woke up, I feel life's changing. I know I had been married for more than a year, and now little baby is growing in my tummy. But now only I felt the changes of life.
From the day I was born, there's so much loves and cares around me. When I was in primary school age, I often cried in the night thinking one day if my parents pass away, how sad it will be... not because I will be alone, I know I still have my bros, friends and others... but the feeling was really really scared and upset... Parents, they are the person who grow me up from little baby to an adult... The feeling of losing them was really terrible even it not yet happen.
Until the day of my secondary school, I think less on that issue, perhaps there are too much attraction in life that made me neglect that issue for quite some times... In that few years, I don't like to stay at home, always looking for something exciting out there... I fall in and out in love... When I felt sad and lonely, home is still the place I hide myself. At the time, I know there's still loves and cares around me even when I don't want to stay at home.
On the day of my marriage, I know I had to leave the home. Many ppl told me a marriage is 2 persons leave your origin family and build another family of your own. I agreed on that and I thought all the while I'm doing this year, was building my own family. But this morning woke up, I realized that I was wrong. I never left my home or family nor building my own 'home'. Marriage still didn't takes place in my life. Although I spent most of my time with my hubby and I told everyone he is my husband. But it just not the right feeling of husband, not until this morning.
The feeling of transform is, now I understand the one who going to spend my lifetime with me will be my husband. My family, my parents, they couldn't be with me for the whole life. It sounds very funny, I know... this should be very obvious in life! But I'm not sure is everyone 'understand' this fact or just 'know' the fact... All the while I'm thinking was if my marriage didn't turn up successfully, I will still have my parents. The feeling was like when you still having puppy love with your bf. Yup, sure you will feel upset after breaking up but it just an ending of a small chapter in your life. It's different in marriage, husband is not bf anymore. We both committed to stay with each other for the rest of life. Rest of the life, if I can live up to 80 years, means I will be with my husband for 3/4 of my life. It's no more a small chapter in life!
Wow, it sound like I'm regretting of my commitment. No! It's made me more confirm and more sure that I want to commit in this marriage. This doesn't mean my parents and bros not important anymore. I know they are still there for me with loves and cares. But now I understand my parents committed in their marriage, so they will spend their lifetime together... even if one day they pass away, I shouldn't be too sad because they have their life together happily. My bros will grow up one day, they will need to committed in their life also. So all of us living in our own life, but are all connected to each other...
Oh what am I talking?? Maybe you don't understand what I mean, maybe I myself also don't know what I want to mean... but life is wonderful, with new thoughts and feelings everyday!
From the day I was born, there's so much loves and cares around me. When I was in primary school age, I often cried in the night thinking one day if my parents pass away, how sad it will be... not because I will be alone, I know I still have my bros, friends and others... but the feeling was really really scared and upset... Parents, they are the person who grow me up from little baby to an adult... The feeling of losing them was really terrible even it not yet happen.
Until the day of my secondary school, I think less on that issue, perhaps there are too much attraction in life that made me neglect that issue for quite some times... In that few years, I don't like to stay at home, always looking for something exciting out there... I fall in and out in love... When I felt sad and lonely, home is still the place I hide myself. At the time, I know there's still loves and cares around me even when I don't want to stay at home.
On the day of my marriage, I know I had to leave the home. Many ppl told me a marriage is 2 persons leave your origin family and build another family of your own. I agreed on that and I thought all the while I'm doing this year, was building my own family. But this morning woke up, I realized that I was wrong. I never left my home or family nor building my own 'home'. Marriage still didn't takes place in my life. Although I spent most of my time with my hubby and I told everyone he is my husband. But it just not the right feeling of husband, not until this morning.
The feeling of transform is, now I understand the one who going to spend my lifetime with me will be my husband. My family, my parents, they couldn't be with me for the whole life. It sounds very funny, I know... this should be very obvious in life! But I'm not sure is everyone 'understand' this fact or just 'know' the fact... All the while I'm thinking was if my marriage didn't turn up successfully, I will still have my parents. The feeling was like when you still having puppy love with your bf. Yup, sure you will feel upset after breaking up but it just an ending of a small chapter in your life. It's different in marriage, husband is not bf anymore. We both committed to stay with each other for the rest of life. Rest of the life, if I can live up to 80 years, means I will be with my husband for 3/4 of my life. It's no more a small chapter in life!
Wow, it sound like I'm regretting of my commitment. No! It's made me more confirm and more sure that I want to commit in this marriage. This doesn't mean my parents and bros not important anymore. I know they are still there for me with loves and cares. But now I understand my parents committed in their marriage, so they will spend their lifetime together... even if one day they pass away, I shouldn't be too sad because they have their life together happily. My bros will grow up one day, they will need to committed in their life also. So all of us living in our own life, but are all connected to each other...
Oh what am I talking?? Maybe you don't understand what I mean, maybe I myself also don't know what I want to mean... but life is wonderful, with new thoughts and feelings everyday!
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